When All You Want To Do Is Cry...

Like many women, I tend to get extremely emotional (as in, more than normal) once a month. And every time this happens, I NEVER remember why everything seems so horrible. Of course, I realize it after I have engaged in heaving sobs and an obligatory "my life sucks" cry-fest. And normally, the tiniest thing will set me off. I normally look back and think, "yes, Rebecca, your life does indeed suck because you burned the bottom of the pan or dropped and broke one of your many wine glasses". It's insignificant things like that that can turn me into a blubbering mess.

Today, however, my crying was a little more substantial than my run-of-the-mill 'I forgot to put my mail in the mailbox before the mailman came' tears. After becoming increasingly frustrated with my current state of unemployment and uncertainty, I just lost it.

This all sucks. It really, REALLY sucks. I can't explain to you how much I loved my job. I loved my school, my co-workers, my kids. And now, just like it's been for the past 2 years, I have to move on. I don't get to see my kiddos grow throughout the years as they move from grade to grade. I'm deprived of their smiling faces when they see me in the hallway. I'm back to the depressing, daily job search that so frequently leaves me burned out and cursing my choice of career (even though I know I chose the right one). I'm now writing blog posts with tears streaming down my face because I'm just so extremely sad.

I'm contemplating changing the title of this post to AN OCEAN OF TEARS.

But...

I have a place to live. I have clothes to wear. I have food in my fridge. I have air conditioning. I have a car to drive. I have an amazing husband. I have the best family I could ever ask for. I have my life. And I have my Savior.

It's not always easy to put things into perspective. I remember how my dad would tell my sister and I that all the time while growing up. Sometimes, it angered me. After all, as humans, we sometimes want that "woe is me" persona because we just want others to acknowledge our crappy situations. And to an extent, it's okay to confide our frustrations with each other. But, as Christians, we must remember that God's got this. And Lord, I'm trying.

At our wedding, we had the entirety of Romans 12 read. Yes, it's long. But it's one of my all-time favorite passages of the Bible. And today, I am reminding myself of Romans 12:12, "Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer."

It's direct. It doesn't end with, "and then cry all you want because you think your life sucks". It's just another one of the MANY reminders from Jesus to trust him. Which is exactly what I am going to do.