Vacation Depression

I always get immensely sad after a vacation is over. There is just so much build-up and preparation before hand and then the vacation goes SO QUICKLY. This year, Barothy just flew by and I am not quite sure why... especially because we checked in at about 10:00 am on Monday, that is way earlier than normal! I'm just not sure why it went so quickly this year. And it was very different without Grandma. I missed her so much this week and I know Grandpa missed her the most of all. He actually walked down the hallway to bed on the last night sobbing. Grieving absolutely sucks. :( So combining our grief with the fact that Barothy 2014 is over is what has prompted this on-going "vacation depression". I was actually in all-out tears on Friday night. Just crying about so many things. But I am grateful because it spurred a need to return to my diary. I really gave that up over the past couple of years. But! I am trying my hardest to make it a regular habit again. We will see how it goes. Until later, my friend. It's time to veg in front of the TV and recover from not only "vacation depression" but also, "vacation exhaustion"!! ;)

Packing Problems

I'm probably the worst packer in the world. I'm not even kidding. I could be going away for one night and I will have at least 2-3 bags. And honestly, I don't set off to absolutely suck at packing, I truly try to only pull out what I NEED. But then... I start thinking. Thinking is my downfall when it comes to packing. And I can't even use weather as a crutch. I am obsessed with weather, so I know the forecast and its varying range possibilities at any given time. It's just that I think I don't like limiting myself while on vacation. Like, I don't want to open my bag with disgust and not like any of my options. So my alternative is to have too many options. Like perhaps even triple what I need. I know, I know... something has to change. So maybe I should get off of the computer and de-pack. Or... start next time. ;)

A Smidgen of Grief

This time next week, we will be on our yearly family vacation to the escape of Barothy. It's one of my favorite times of the year because everyone is together. But this year, we will be without our beloved grandma. I miss her SO much. On Tuesday, she will have been gone for half of a year. I cannot believe that it's been that long. I still feel like when I walk into their house, she will be humming to herself while sitting at her desk in the kitchen or at the table. But then I'm reminded by the strange quietness that she is no longer physically here with us. Every time, it stings.

The tears are pouring down my face as I type this.

I would give anything to be able to talk to her once more. To tell her how married life is so far, how it has surpassed my expectations and how it has also not quite met every expectation that I had. What I would give for her words of advice on not only marriage (my grandparents were married for 64 years!), but just life. She was one of the most important people in my life. She just got me.

And I know that this is what happens in life. And I know that she is in a much better place, where she can breathe without her oxygen machine and she can walk (even run!) without a walker. These thoughts have even stopped my tears (thank you, Jesus). But it doesn't lessen how much I desperately miss her.

Why the sudden overwhelming grief? I was just looking at pictures of last year's vacation and watching videos of her. Seeing her smile and hearing her voice makes it seem like I can call her and talk to her right this second. But... I can't.

But I have so many wonderful memories of her that I will always carry in my heart. She was an amazing woman. And that's an understatement.

I love you so much, Grandma. I know I will see you again someday. But until then, I am holding you in my heart.

Summer School Adventures in 3rd Grade

On Thursday, I subbed for summer school at my old school. The only negative thing about the entire experience was being back in the school. I snuck over to my old classroom and it was hard seeing another teacher's things taking over MY desk. I know... it's not mine anymore. But still. The attachment remains. It was also weird being in the school without any of the normal teachers.

But. I love love LOVED third grade! After working with 4-5 year olds all year, it was quite a switch moving up some years. They were way more self-sufficient... and even understood my sarcasm! I had a great time and it gave me reassurance in knowing that I don't need to feel like I can only teach preschool. And I noticed that my confidence and skill was a bit more improved than the last time I taught elementary grades. It's amazing how much can change in just a year!

Perhaps the funniest part of my day occurred when two of the kids described a movie they had both watched on TV. While what they were describing didn't sound age appropriate, it definitely sounded familiar. And then, it clicked. It had been advertised on Lifetime... so when I asked if it was a Lifetime movie, they said, "yeeeeah". When I asked why on earth they were watching Lifetime, one responded, "I have a grandma!" HA. Kids. The only moment that competed with this for hilarity was when I told them my name was Mrs. Miller and one boy said, "hey! There's a movie called We're the Millers! Have you seen it?" I said yes (hoping he hadn't). Apparently so had this kid. Sigh.

So what did I do when I got home? Definitely watched the Lifetime moving a couple of nine-year-olds were raving about. ;)