A Smidgen of Grief

This time next week, we will be on our yearly family vacation to the escape of Barothy. It's one of my favorite times of the year because everyone is together. But this year, we will be without our beloved grandma. I miss her SO much. On Tuesday, she will have been gone for half of a year. I cannot believe that it's been that long. I still feel like when I walk into their house, she will be humming to herself while sitting at her desk in the kitchen or at the table. But then I'm reminded by the strange quietness that she is no longer physically here with us. Every time, it stings.

The tears are pouring down my face as I type this.

I would give anything to be able to talk to her once more. To tell her how married life is so far, how it has surpassed my expectations and how it has also not quite met every expectation that I had. What I would give for her words of advice on not only marriage (my grandparents were married for 64 years!), but just life. She was one of the most important people in my life. She just got me.

And I know that this is what happens in life. And I know that she is in a much better place, where she can breathe without her oxygen machine and she can walk (even run!) without a walker. These thoughts have even stopped my tears (thank you, Jesus). But it doesn't lessen how much I desperately miss her.

Why the sudden overwhelming grief? I was just looking at pictures of last year's vacation and watching videos of her. Seeing her smile and hearing her voice makes it seem like I can call her and talk to her right this second. But... I can't.

But I have so many wonderful memories of her that I will always carry in my heart. She was an amazing woman. And that's an understatement.

I love you so much, Grandma. I know I will see you again someday. But until then, I am holding you in my heart.