Laying It Down

One of my very first CDs as a child was Jaci Velasquez's Heavenly Place. It was actually my mom's that she won on the radio and I recall looking through my parents's CDs trying to find it after hearing "On My Knees" on the radio. I just thought that song was the most beautiful thing that I'd ever heard and from that moment on, I found her music to be uplifting to me as a tween in middle school. I listened to that and her next few CDs on repeat throughout 7th and 8th grade. I continued to be a faithful fan and I still remember the CD release for Beauty Has Grace in 2005 when I was 15. My dad asked Family Christian Store if I could have the promo poster after the CD came out and they gave it to me. (What a sweet dad!) I had it hanging in my bedroom until I redecorated in college. At first, that CD wasn't my favorite. It was a very different style. I remember my dad telling me how good of a song "Lay It Down" was. At the time, I thought it was good, but I don't think I fully realized how truly beautiful it was. As I've gotten older, it's become clearer. But I have never needed to hear more than I did last Wednesday in the Miller's Expedition on our way back from kayaking. But let's back-track a bit...

Before my cousin's wedding in Indiana, I had an interview for a school district in my city that I really wanted to work for. Like, this was a big deal and an awesome chance for me. I walked out of the screening interview thinking I was done. But I got a call from the principal saying they wanted to give me a second interview. I was so excited (and terrified)! I did my homework and prepared as well as I could. The interview went fairly well, I felt confident in myself and I did my best. I waited all weekend and finally my phone rang on the ride back from kayaking. I couldn't answer in the car full of family, so I waited and listened to the voicemail. The words of the principal were incredibly kind and supportive. She told me that I was basically 2nd, in the nicest way possible. The reason I was 2nd, was due to that pesky lack of experience (which isn't really a fault). Goodness, the tears started pouring, and I tried to stop them. But I concealed them under my sunglasses and shrugged off my stuffy nose to allergies. But inside, my heart was breaking. I was texting my mom and praying. But then I saw Dennis' headphones and asked if I could borrow them (since he was using them). I didn't have much music on my iPhone, but "Lay It Down" happened to be one of the songs that I had downloaded for some reason. I hadn't really listened to it for awhile. So I put my head on D's shoulder and began listening. It was like this song was everything I was feeling. Like my heart was singing this song to God. And though the tears were streaming even more than before, I truly felt peace. And I still do. Does this suck? You bet. But just because this portion of my dream hasn't yet to be realized, doesn't mean it's dead. I just realized that I needed to let it go, to lay it down at God's feet and relinquish control. To just say, "Okay, Lord. I am giving you my future, my dreams, my career. You have a plan and I am ready to follow it. Lead me." Since that car ride, I have felt more peace about my career search than I have in a long time. I am excited to teach Pre-K for Head Start and I know that God is constantly working in me.

So, this is my prayer. This is where I am. I am laying it down every day, because that is all that I can do!