Laying It Down

One of my very first CDs as a child was Jaci Velasquez's Heavenly Place. It was actually my mom's that she won on the radio and I recall looking through my parents's CDs trying to find it after hearing "On My Knees" on the radio. I just thought that song was the most beautiful thing that I'd ever heard and from that moment on, I found her music to be uplifting to me as a tween in middle school. I listened to that and her next few CDs on repeat throughout 7th and 8th grade. I continued to be a faithful fan and I still remember the CD release for Beauty Has Grace in 2005 when I was 15. My dad asked Family Christian Store if I could have the promo poster after the CD came out and they gave it to me. (What a sweet dad!) I had it hanging in my bedroom until I redecorated in college. At first, that CD wasn't my favorite. It was a very different style. I remember my dad telling me how good of a song "Lay It Down" was. At the time, I thought it was good, but I don't think I fully realized how truly beautiful it was. As I've gotten older, it's become clearer. But I have never needed to hear more than I did last Wednesday in the Miller's Expedition on our way back from kayaking. But let's back-track a bit...

Before my cousin's wedding in Indiana, I had an interview for a school district in my city that I really wanted to work for. Like, this was a big deal and an awesome chance for me. I walked out of the screening interview thinking I was done. But I got a call from the principal saying they wanted to give me a second interview. I was so excited (and terrified)! I did my homework and prepared as well as I could. The interview went fairly well, I felt confident in myself and I did my best. I waited all weekend and finally my phone rang on the ride back from kayaking. I couldn't answer in the car full of family, so I waited and listened to the voicemail. The words of the principal were incredibly kind and supportive. She told me that I was basically 2nd, in the nicest way possible. The reason I was 2nd, was due to that pesky lack of experience (which isn't really a fault). Goodness, the tears started pouring, and I tried to stop them. But I concealed them under my sunglasses and shrugged off my stuffy nose to allergies. But inside, my heart was breaking. I was texting my mom and praying. But then I saw Dennis' headphones and asked if I could borrow them (since he was using them). I didn't have much music on my iPhone, but "Lay It Down" happened to be one of the songs that I had downloaded for some reason. I hadn't really listened to it for awhile. So I put my head on D's shoulder and began listening. It was like this song was everything I was feeling. Like my heart was singing this song to God. And though the tears were streaming even more than before, I truly felt peace. And I still do. Does this suck? You bet. But just because this portion of my dream hasn't yet to be realized, doesn't mean it's dead. I just realized that I needed to let it go, to lay it down at God's feet and relinquish control. To just say, "Okay, Lord. I am giving you my future, my dreams, my career. You have a plan and I am ready to follow it. Lead me." Since that car ride, I have felt more peace about my career search than I have in a long time. I am excited to teach Pre-K for Head Start and I know that God is constantly working in me.

So, this is my prayer. This is where I am. I am laying it down every day, because that is all that I can do!

Family Wedding Fun!

This past weekend, we journeyed to South Bend, Indiana for my cousin Steffen's wedding to his beautiful (now) wife! It was a great weekend, though I am extremely tired today and grateful for a day to rest (sort of). There is still laundry, cleaning, and other household chores to do, of course!

Steffen has been a Notre Dame fan for, practically, ever. So getting married there was his dream. Typically, you have to be a current student or graduate to be able to get married there. At first, Steffen didn't realize this and it halted the wedding planning process for awhile. Then, a priest friend of his (who is the priest for the basketball team at ND), somehow was able to make everything work out for Steffen and Melanie. Basically, this never happens. They were extremely lucky!

The campus is beautiful. I had never been to Notre Dame before, so this destination wedding was both extremely fun and very educational! At first, the immense amount of construction on campus made things confusing. (We most definitely spent 20 minutes trying to find our dinner location for Friday night. Once we made it Legends, we were finally able to enjoy their amazing food! Can anyone say beer cheese burgers?)

But after we familiarized ourselves, it was easy to enjoy celebrating a marriage in a place so steeped in history. Steffen and Melanie got married in the Log Chapel, a cute little building near the lake.

There ceremony was absolutely beautiful. Steffen's face was so full of love when Melanie walked

into the chapel. The ceremony was beautiful and I was honored to sing the Responsorial Psalm and Gospel Acclamation. Congrats, Steffen and Melanie!

After the ceremony, we had some down time for pictures before our tour of the stadium! Of course, we had to snap a husband/wife pic! 

The stadium was awesome! We got to see Touchdown Jesus from the suites and the field itself. We touched the iconic "Play Like a Champion Today" sign in the locker room! And of course, Curly Lambeau's plaque! GO PACK GO!

The reception was beautiful and located at South Dining Hall, which looked more like it should be at Hogwarts than Notre Dame. We had a great time dancing the night away with family and friends. An overall awesome wedding! 

Obligatory family picture that I absolutely love!

We went to mass at the Basilica the next morning and it was quite a traditional experience. It was absolutely beautiful and was nice to experience a different kind of reverence towards God.

Congratulations to the new Mr. and Mrs. Nizinski! :) 

Guess What is Coming?! AUTUMN!!!

Let me just start with this:

I. LOVE. FALL.

Insert an autumn-inspired sigh here. Ahh. :) Even though August just began, I am so very ready for all things autumn. I'm done with summer! I mean, I am perfectly content with summer vacation, but I could go for a season change! Last Monday's weather here in Michigan was a fall lover's dream: overcast, occasional rain shower, 64 degrees. Yes, yes, YES! I definitely did some blanket cuddling last Monday! But today, it's much too warm for my liking. The fan is blowing on me while I type, but it's still unbearable. And it doesn't help that our house has the complete opposite layout of an open floor plan. Can anyone say, "no air flow"? Why yes, yes I can. I'm mentally adding this to my list of things for the house we someday buy!

Anyways, back to the topic at hand... to make this even more perfect, Bath & Body Works is currently having a "1 Week Sneak Peek" for fall items!! Perfect timing. And they are even getting their website all ready for fall! I have already gone to the store and purchased an Apple Pumpkin 3-wick candle, this ADORABLE owl candle, some apple scented hand cream, and the new Honeycrisp Apple and Buttered Rum Orchard body care (mist and lotion). Love it. The staying power could be a little bit better, but the scent is ahhhmazing. I'm just SO pumped for the rest of the fall releases.

Tomorrow, their Artisan collection launches in stores. And apparently, also some more of the fall candles. So you can bet your bottom dollar that I will be in the store tomorrow! Unfortunately, we are a one car family, so I will be waiting until Dennis is home from work. But I have something to keep me occupied. I will update on that tomorrow!

Vacation Depression

I always get immensely sad after a vacation is over. There is just so much build-up and preparation before hand and then the vacation goes SO QUICKLY. This year, Barothy just flew by and I am not quite sure why... especially because we checked in at about 10:00 am on Monday, that is way earlier than normal! I'm just not sure why it went so quickly this year. And it was very different without Grandma. I missed her so much this week and I know Grandpa missed her the most of all. He actually walked down the hallway to bed on the last night sobbing. Grieving absolutely sucks. :( So combining our grief with the fact that Barothy 2014 is over is what has prompted this on-going "vacation depression". I was actually in all-out tears on Friday night. Just crying about so many things. But I am grateful because it spurred a need to return to my diary. I really gave that up over the past couple of years. But! I am trying my hardest to make it a regular habit again. We will see how it goes. Until later, my friend. It's time to veg in front of the TV and recover from not only "vacation depression" but also, "vacation exhaustion"!! ;)

Packing Problems

I'm probably the worst packer in the world. I'm not even kidding. I could be going away for one night and I will have at least 2-3 bags. And honestly, I don't set off to absolutely suck at packing, I truly try to only pull out what I NEED. But then... I start thinking. Thinking is my downfall when it comes to packing. And I can't even use weather as a crutch. I am obsessed with weather, so I know the forecast and its varying range possibilities at any given time. It's just that I think I don't like limiting myself while on vacation. Like, I don't want to open my bag with disgust and not like any of my options. So my alternative is to have too many options. Like perhaps even triple what I need. I know, I know... something has to change. So maybe I should get off of the computer and de-pack. Or... start next time. ;)

A Smidgen of Grief

This time next week, we will be on our yearly family vacation to the escape of Barothy. It's one of my favorite times of the year because everyone is together. But this year, we will be without our beloved grandma. I miss her SO much. On Tuesday, she will have been gone for half of a year. I cannot believe that it's been that long. I still feel like when I walk into their house, she will be humming to herself while sitting at her desk in the kitchen or at the table. But then I'm reminded by the strange quietness that she is no longer physically here with us. Every time, it stings.

The tears are pouring down my face as I type this.

I would give anything to be able to talk to her once more. To tell her how married life is so far, how it has surpassed my expectations and how it has also not quite met every expectation that I had. What I would give for her words of advice on not only marriage (my grandparents were married for 64 years!), but just life. She was one of the most important people in my life. She just got me.

And I know that this is what happens in life. And I know that she is in a much better place, where she can breathe without her oxygen machine and she can walk (even run!) without a walker. These thoughts have even stopped my tears (thank you, Jesus). But it doesn't lessen how much I desperately miss her.

Why the sudden overwhelming grief? I was just looking at pictures of last year's vacation and watching videos of her. Seeing her smile and hearing her voice makes it seem like I can call her and talk to her right this second. But... I can't.

But I have so many wonderful memories of her that I will always carry in my heart. She was an amazing woman. And that's an understatement.

I love you so much, Grandma. I know I will see you again someday. But until then, I am holding you in my heart.

Summer School Adventures in 3rd Grade

On Thursday, I subbed for summer school at my old school. The only negative thing about the entire experience was being back in the school. I snuck over to my old classroom and it was hard seeing another teacher's things taking over MY desk. I know... it's not mine anymore. But still. The attachment remains. It was also weird being in the school without any of the normal teachers.

But. I love love LOVED third grade! After working with 4-5 year olds all year, it was quite a switch moving up some years. They were way more self-sufficient... and even understood my sarcasm! I had a great time and it gave me reassurance in knowing that I don't need to feel like I can only teach preschool. And I noticed that my confidence and skill was a bit more improved than the last time I taught elementary grades. It's amazing how much can change in just a year!

Perhaps the funniest part of my day occurred when two of the kids described a movie they had both watched on TV. While what they were describing didn't sound age appropriate, it definitely sounded familiar. And then, it clicked. It had been advertised on Lifetime... so when I asked if it was a Lifetime movie, they said, "yeeeeah". When I asked why on earth they were watching Lifetime, one responded, "I have a grandma!" HA. Kids. The only moment that competed with this for hilarity was when I told them my name was Mrs. Miller and one boy said, "hey! There's a movie called We're the Millers! Have you seen it?" I said yes (hoping he hadn't). Apparently so had this kid. Sigh.

So what did I do when I got home? Definitely watched the Lifetime moving a couple of nine-year-olds were raving about. ;)

When All You Want To Do Is Cry...

Like many women, I tend to get extremely emotional (as in, more than normal) once a month. And every time this happens, I NEVER remember why everything seems so horrible. Of course, I realize it after I have engaged in heaving sobs and an obligatory "my life sucks" cry-fest. And normally, the tiniest thing will set me off. I normally look back and think, "yes, Rebecca, your life does indeed suck because you burned the bottom of the pan or dropped and broke one of your many wine glasses". It's insignificant things like that that can turn me into a blubbering mess.

Today, however, my crying was a little more substantial than my run-of-the-mill 'I forgot to put my mail in the mailbox before the mailman came' tears. After becoming increasingly frustrated with my current state of unemployment and uncertainty, I just lost it.

This all sucks. It really, REALLY sucks. I can't explain to you how much I loved my job. I loved my school, my co-workers, my kids. And now, just like it's been for the past 2 years, I have to move on. I don't get to see my kiddos grow throughout the years as they move from grade to grade. I'm deprived of their smiling faces when they see me in the hallway. I'm back to the depressing, daily job search that so frequently leaves me burned out and cursing my choice of career (even though I know I chose the right one). I'm now writing blog posts with tears streaming down my face because I'm just so extremely sad.

I'm contemplating changing the title of this post to AN OCEAN OF TEARS.

But...

I have a place to live. I have clothes to wear. I have food in my fridge. I have air conditioning. I have a car to drive. I have an amazing husband. I have the best family I could ever ask for. I have my life. And I have my Savior.

It's not always easy to put things into perspective. I remember how my dad would tell my sister and I that all the time while growing up. Sometimes, it angered me. After all, as humans, we sometimes want that "woe is me" persona because we just want others to acknowledge our crappy situations. And to an extent, it's okay to confide our frustrations with each other. But, as Christians, we must remember that God's got this. And Lord, I'm trying.

At our wedding, we had the entirety of Romans 12 read. Yes, it's long. But it's one of my all-time favorite passages of the Bible. And today, I am reminding myself of Romans 12:12, "Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer."

It's direct. It doesn't end with, "and then cry all you want because you think your life sucks". It's just another one of the MANY reminders from Jesus to trust him. Which is exactly what I am going to do.

Recipe: Ritzy Chicken

Let me just say: SWOON. That's what I am doing over this lovely recipe.

Just look at that yumminess. I'm still swooning. And I'm full. You'd probably like to know the recipe, but let me start with a story:

When I was a teenager, I adored Robin Jones Gunn's Christy Miller Series. These books were life changing for me. This kick-started my love of Christian fiction, but it also provided me with an excellent example and a friend (of the book lover's sort). Just like Christy, I started writing letters to my future husband (even though I didn't know he was) and I gave them to my husband, Dennis, the night before our wedding. It was super special and it's something I will share with any daughters that we have (as well as these books). Now, you need to understand these books were written in the late 80s-early 90s. So I never expected that now, in 2014, when I was a newlywed, Gunn would write a new series featuring Christy! Christy and Todd: The Married Years! Though I have just started this lovely book, I am SO excited to meet up with Christy after all of these years. And, this is where the idea of Ritzy Chicken came from (Christy is making it in the beginning of the book). So, as a new wife who is building a list of her husband's favorite recipes, I decided to try this out. And, success! He loved it, I loved it, and the Miller family is happy (and quite full)! So here is the recipe:

Ritzy Chicken Casserole (Courtesy of Diana Rattray: About.com Southern Food)

Ingredients:

·       Ritz crackers (2 sleeves)

·       1 can cream of chicken soup

·       1 cup sour cream

·       1/2 cup chicken broth

·       4 to 6 boneless chicken breast halves, cooked

·       4 ounces melted butter

Preparation:

Crumble one sleeve of Ritz crackers in the bottom of a 2 to 2 1/2-quart casserole dish. Drizzle half of the melted butter over the crackers. Mix chicken with soup, sour cream, and broth. Pour over crackers. Crush the remaining sleeve of crackers over the chicken mixture. Drizzle the remaining melted butter over the crackers. Bake at 300° for 30 to 40 minutes, until hot and bubbly. 

Above recipe taken from: http://southernfood.about.com/od/chickencasseroles/r/bl90911q.htm

This was extremely easy to make. We liked it with rice, though next time, I am going to try it with noodles (I just love egg noodles). And the green beans were a perfect veggie accompaniment! Try this! Let me know what you think, though I'm pretty sure you'll be swooning, too. ;) 

A (Not-So-Secret) Secret

I want a puppy.

I have some work to do to convince Dennis that he wants one, too. Deep down, he does. He just doesn't know it yet. ;)

The Woes of a Headache Sufferer

I woke up today with a headache. It's 10:28pm and I am about to go to bed. Guess what? I still have a headache. I feel like I've tried it all today and nothing has worked: ibuprofen, acetaminophen, hot cloth, water, hot shower, cool shower, more ibuprofen, more acetaminophen, rest, naps, etc. Nothing worked. I feel like I've lost a complete day because of this! I suffer from frequent headaches, but normally they don't last ALL day. And normally, one of the things in my list will work.

I think the most depressing part of this headache is that I couldn't tackle any of my summer reading. I am currently reading Save the Date by Mary Kay Andrews. Loving it. I haven't read any of her books before, but I think I may need to add them all to my ever-growing "To-Read" list on Goodreads.com! Perhaps I can tackle a good chunk of this book tomorrow on the drive to my cousin's graduation party!

Well, since blogging isn't helping my headache either, I guess my only option now is sleep. Night, world.

Music: For King & Country

I think that I need to listen to this song every morning when I wake up, again in the car, while doing housework, while working out, before hanging out with friends, before bed... and the list could go on and on. It's that good. It's like a list of everything I need to do. And yet, at the end of the list, it is summed up with one command: fix my eyes on You. When my eyes are fixed on Jesus, there is nothing - and I truly mean nothing - that can push me off course.

Seriously, I just love this song.

A Smidgen of Uncertainty

Incorrect. That title should have read, "A Whole LOT of Uncertainty". But isn't that what always happens in life? You finally feel as if you have taken a teensy bit of control when out of nowhere, that feeling is ripped right out of your tightly gripped hands. Well, folks, welcome to the life of a teacher in Michigan. Where "chaos" describes my current situation. I am back to the exact same position that I was in last summer: the joy of job searching. 

It's officially summer vacation and I can't even fully enjoy the season. I am back to the once-a-day (or more) perusal of k12jobspot.com. I find myself frequently lamenting my choice of career. And, I am continually slapping myself in the face whenever I think the thought, "Next year in my classroom..." because who knows if I will even have a classroom. 

I so loved my job. Which makes this even more difficult. 

Grr.

That about sums up this smidgen of life.